I have been thinking about lately where I would like to take this website and I think it has served me—and hopefully to any of you who are still following this blog—well for the past 3 years…
But some things have changed or I’d rather say.. priorities have changed. In all honesty, I don’t mind paying for this website if it has benefited visitors, even when I haven’t been writing that much in this blog.
Before I explain further, as the title says: yes, I am closing this blog soon. This blog will be live until mid September before the next bill.
I never regretted on investing my money in this website because it has definitely made me more committed to writing… in the beginning. I have learned to be more practical and consistent with in mind that I am paying for this, so I have to make it worth it.
It was a nice rush when I started this and because of this blog, my career has gone some place and it has given me the credibility for showing my portfolio and my writing here but it has gone dormant ever since I started focusing more on my current job as well as my life in general, i.e. the reality.
I haven’t been able to put this whole thing as a priority… not because I can’t put it as a priority but I haven’t been clear where to take this blog to. I know I am able to be committed to this but maybe now is not the time.
I wanted to close this down last year but there was still something that was holding me back… I think I was too attached to the temporary rush that I was feeling from writing here and that it has been serving some people… but then again, I have been feeling guilty for not utilising it to the fullest when I know the potential of having this website alone is actually wider than what I am currently using.
There are a few limitations that I am getting despite having this website because of where I am currently living now (Brunei), when I know this could generate more resources for me to continue doing what I am doing.
In other words, I want to have this website but I honestly… don’t need it. At least not at the moment. Life goes on. I will still write, just through different means and perhaps channels. When I am ready again to commit myself to a website, then I will come back, by Allah’s will.
I will probably talk somewhere. I will probably publish things somewhere, but I won’t announce it further unless I’d be able to do it and commit to it fully.
So, the question is: what’s next?
I will still be writing. Still am. But to a closer community of people who are only interested in what I intend give and not just any passerby.
I know my intention is absolutely guarded with this in mind and at least I have one focus and to serve those who only wanted to be part of this community. Because it’s simply not realistic to try to maintain different places and give my all, knowing that my resources are currently are finite.
I am a one-man show until I am fully capable to have more people as a part of this to help me with expanding it. And I just don’t want to carry this on my shoulder for now although it’s not a major part of my life. And because it hasn’t been a major part of my life that I am currently on edge with how much more is the weight rather than it being able to serve and reach to more people.
I thought this website was everything for me to reach my goals but this, just like everything else is just a tool.
As I have come a long way, learned a lot—I mean A LOT—for the past few years on how to do things more intentionally, while at the same time make a living out of it. Because passion and purpose cannot be continuous if I simply cannot sustain it via means that allow me to continue doing so i.e. putting money where it will serve more.
My mission hasn’t changed but I’d rather focus on one place at a time where I can give my all without having to feel guilty or having to think that I have this just for the show.
I’ve tried to start a lot of things. I’ve contacted some people when I first started and gave them some promises that I myself haven’t been able to fill, and so I let them go. I’ve made my peace and felt lighter knowing that I no longer need to keep up with things that I wanted to do but could not commit to at the time.
But bless these people for keeping up with me and having the right intention to only serve Allah via creative writing or arts. I have never stopped thinking about these people because I knew their potentials are bigger than they themselves realise but then again, everyone has their own priorities.
Regardless of anything, I am grateful Allah has given me the rizq to explore and stay curious about how to give and serve via my passion to write. I am also grateful that Allah has taken me into places and paths that have forced me to grow and move on.
I am in the process of letting go a lot of things in my life and this website is just one of the many that I am letting go gradually. In the end, we have all grown and changed. I’ve passed that stage of exploration and Alhamdulillah, I am a lot clearer with what I need to do in order to continue to serve.
Another thing that I’ve realised is that for the past years, I’ve let my life pass me by because I’ve spent so much time in my head rather than being present and do something about it. I have constrained myself to a life that people define than what I truly believe life should be according to my own values and ultimately—first and foremost—of course, according to Allah and Rasulullah PBUH.
Alhamdulillah, I am more excited about what’s to come.
Now that I am clearer with why I do what I do and how to get to my goals, I am less afraid and I believe less exhausted and disappointed along the way.
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Coming to think about it, I am just moving on rather than stopping from whatever that I am doing currently.
I have got nothing much to say except, thanks for reading and I’ll see you on the other side 🙂