One of the difficult things about adulting is honestly how we’d maintain a friendship when they’re no longer a daily part of you lives—when you don’t see each other as often as before.

I was just watching a video about ambivalent relationships. These are relationships that you don’t understand your position with the person currently. You’d question whether they have a current purpose in your life, regardless of how selfish sounds. Whether you both are actively trying to maintain and sustain the relationship. Whether you still mutually enjoy each other’s company.

It’s difficult to identify ambivalent relationships because you don’t hold anything against this person. You just don’t know where you stand with the person. So, it’s a lot easier to identify toxic people than the ambivalent ones. This is exhausting because we don’t like uncertainties, don’t we?

Ambivalent relationship is a lot more difficult to identify as we are living in the world of social media. You follow the person on social media but you don’t necessarily talk with the person in real life. You keep watching their lives go by; you watch them grow or settling down or move out of the country etc.

This brings me the situation whenever my mother would bump into her old friends from school or her first job. They still call each other as best friends even though they had not met in years—sometimes a decade or more long.

Whenever they’d meet, they seem to be genuinely interested at each other’s progress and they never had the conversation of why they had not contacted each other for a long time. They kind of just embraced the change effortlessly.

I’ve had this phase… a phase when I was figuring out if these ambivalent relationships are worth to keep. Sometimes, it goes back to why you are friends with them in the first place. I’ve had the phase when things just don’t seem to be as it used to be like before. But as I’ve reasoned and grow out of bubble, I’ve realised that I need to focus on trying to grow myself within.

The right kinds of people will gravitate towards you and often, the ones who’d stay in your lives effortlessly are the best kinds. These are people whom you’d hardly met but once you do, it feels like so easy to be around them. It feels like nothing had changed even though you and your friend clearly has.

The bottom line is this: we’re adulting. It’s as simple as that but as we are emotional beings, we’ve made it more complicated than it should be. We just have different commitments in life and that’s okay. As long as you believe the ambivalent ones still hold a special place in your life, then it’s best to just initiate.

If there is no growth in the friendship to a deeper, meaningful friendship, then it only makes sense to live with it. A lot of the times though, there’s only a certain threshold or level of connection that you’d have with your friend that cannot go beyond that. Which is okay too.

I’ve always believed that we have the choice to reconnect, to let go, to reset, to do whatever it is to make us grow. But whatever we’d choose to do, the best thing that we can ever do to ourselves and others is to just be kind.

In the end of the day, it is Allah whom connects two hearts.



Posted by:Syaza

Authenticity allows people to enter our world without forcing them to. Authenticity ripples into the hearts of others to create change without disrupting their own flow. So I write because of that. I also love coffee and cats. Intensely.

2 replies on “Friendship while adulting

  1. “These are people whom you’d hardly met but once you do, it feels like so easy to be around them. It feels like nothing had changed even though you and your friend clearly has.”

    Sums up the best kind of friends I have. No animosity about not being in contact consistently and what not hahaha

    Liked by 1 person

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