To date, I have about 19 drafts for this blog that I wanted to post but didn’t because they were a lot of missing pieces in them. My thoughts are scattered now and I can’t make up my mind on what I’ve been wanting to post. One idea led to the other. It’s like I couldn’t focus. For that reason, I missed a post on Friday; I couldn’t find a way to break through the wall in my head to let my thoughts and musings flow.
I have, yet again, come to this familiar undesired place known as “the writer’s block”. To me, writer’s block isn’t that you don’t write at all but you’d write unnecessary things that would lead to nothing. And if you’d know me well enough, I don’t like to show a half-hearted work especially if it’s about a topic that I knew I could write better.
Writing is easy but writing well is not.
I have not found a profound or life-changing routine that would make me write consistently. Alas… I don’t have a writing process nor do I have set a certain schedule within other things that are happening in my life right now.
But I don’t want to make excuses. Excuses are something that I’ve been trying to cut down in my life because those were what had stopped me pursuing what I’d like to achieve. Excuses and doubts.
The product of my prolonged doubt is this blog. I started off as a confused writer but now have become a lot more hopeful than before. It isn’t because I’ve finally become in sync with what I’d love to do but it is more towards feeling homey with what I do—if that makes sense.
I guess I am at this point in my life where I am trying to make everything work with the energy and time that I have. I am not making much; I can’t support myself independently yet but I am working towards it. If Allah wills it, then I am hoping what I’m doing now is enough. Faith, hope and everything in between are what have kept me going.
It’s definitely slow but I am okay with it.
I am also well-aware that a writer’s journey is long and one that would never end. It involves a lot of yourself—your feelings, your personality and the most genuine part of you. It’s funny as I was rather scared to put myself out there, I actually chose to write. And it’s funny that within my struggle to find means to be financially stable, I actually chose to write. Out of all lucrative businesses that I could’ve chosen, I actually chose to write.
Sometimes, what you’ve chosen to do doesn’t make sense to other people. But time and time again, I keep reminding myself my purpose (or the possibility by the lack of it) that I’ll be able to choose to serve behind all of these.
And this is just the start of it.